Hey, all you five (including myself, which follows myself), my band Seven Year Old Poets is playing the Rifflandia music festival in Victoria, BC, September 23, 2010 @ Upstairs Cabaret with Calico Mountain, Tyger Dhula, DJ Rowan, and Delhi 2 Dublin. We're glad to be playing and hope to see at least one of you there (not including myself, because I will be there playing).
http://www.rifflandia.com/
Sunday, August 15, 2010
My Hot Date with a Hot-Bot
So, I'm checking my email, rights, and I'm in Hotmail and all, and then I sees that this friend of mine is on messenger and I don't really pay attention and then I go pee and come back and gets a message from him and at first I thought it was him but then I realized after I tried to do what he "suggested" that he'd been hacked and then I had fun.
Adam. J. says:
Hi r you there?
Bill Farrant says:
Yeah.
Adam. J. says:
i just took an IQ quiz
Bill Farrant says:
How low did you score?
Adam. J. says:
I was better than I am! I scored 108
Bill Farrant says:
Haha.
Nice work.
I once did one with my ex-wife, we scored 130, but I'm sure it was all her.
Adam. J. says:
you need to try if you can do better than me, http://iqscoreme4.com/?test=1so707d43
Im sure you cant haha
Bill Farrant says:
Haha.
Adam. J. says:
take it now while Im in the shower and tell me ur score later
Bill Farrant says:
Okay, I'll give it a go. I just smoked crack, so this should be interesting.
You been to the pub lately?
Adam. J. says:
good, you?
Bill Farrant says:
Yeah, I saw Mike. He says to say Hi.
Can I touch your tits?
Hey, why did you tell me you were going to take a shower? That's a little personal, don't you think? I mean, we're not that close.
Adam. J. says:
are you kidding? its me and not some bot, stop this
Bill Farrant says:
So, you been to the pub lately?
Are we playing chess?
I'm really good at chess, fyi.
I could really use a back rub right now.
Neck's real sore.
Sooo, I'm just gonna take my shirt off right now... get a little comfortable. I'm soooo sweaty.
I kinda dig digital life forms, you know? Kinda like Idoru. You know that book by William Gibson. Just saying.
Hahahahah! My pants fell down when I stood up. Whoopsies!
Hey, where did you go?
I miss you.
You're never there when I need you.
I'm going back to Jemma. That's final. You can take your "don't give a shit attitude" and shove it up your fucking ass, Missy. I'm done!
Ps. Can I touch your tits?
Are you still there?
Adam. J. says:
yes thats me
Bill Farrant says:
I love you.
I need to know the key words (said in that Seinfeld voice, like "Newman.")
Okay, fine, what personal information do you need from me? Your IQ test requires my phone number. I'll give you everything. Trust me. Take it all. Bank account number? Sure. Passwords to my private things? Why not! I'm doing this for our love, our special bond (Jeremy Bond, perhaps?). Just know it's real, "us."
Adam. J. says:
yeah, but nothing else is needed
Bill Farrant says:
Other than love?
Linda, I'm confused.
Can you give our love some parting words at least?
Linda, I'm desperate! Just say anything so I know you exist!
Please, just one word, a poorly put together sentence is enough.
Seriously, hack-bot Dude, just give me a line to end this story with.
Adam. J. says:
im not a bot silly, its me
Bill Farrant says:
Thanks!
Adam. J. says:
Hi r you there?
Bill Farrant says:
Yeah.
Adam. J. says:
i just took an IQ quiz
Bill Farrant says:
How low did you score?
Adam. J. says:
I was better than I am! I scored 108
Bill Farrant says:
Haha.
Nice work.
I once did one with my ex-wife, we scored 130, but I'm sure it was all her.
Adam. J. says:
you need to try if you can do better than me, http://iqscoreme4.com/?test=1so707d43
Im sure you cant haha
Bill Farrant says:
Haha.
Adam. J. says:
take it now while Im in the shower and tell me ur score later
Bill Farrant says:
Okay, I'll give it a go. I just smoked crack, so this should be interesting.
You been to the pub lately?
Adam. J. says:
good, you?
Bill Farrant says:
Yeah, I saw Mike. He says to say Hi.
Can I touch your tits?
Hey, why did you tell me you were going to take a shower? That's a little personal, don't you think? I mean, we're not that close.
Adam. J. says:
are you kidding? its me and not some bot, stop this
Bill Farrant says:
So, you been to the pub lately?
Are we playing chess?
I'm really good at chess, fyi.
I could really use a back rub right now.
Neck's real sore.
Sooo, I'm just gonna take my shirt off right now... get a little comfortable. I'm soooo sweaty.
I kinda dig digital life forms, you know? Kinda like Idoru. You know that book by William Gibson. Just saying.
Hahahahah! My pants fell down when I stood up. Whoopsies!
Hey, where did you go?
I miss you.
You're never there when I need you.
I'm going back to Jemma. That's final. You can take your "don't give a shit attitude" and shove it up your fucking ass, Missy. I'm done!
Ps. Can I touch your tits?
Are you still there?
Adam. J. says:
yes thats me
Bill Farrant says:
I love you.
I need to know the key words (said in that Seinfeld voice, like "Newman.")
Okay, fine, what personal information do you need from me? Your IQ test requires my phone number. I'll give you everything. Trust me. Take it all. Bank account number? Sure. Passwords to my private things? Why not! I'm doing this for our love, our special bond (Jeremy Bond, perhaps?). Just know it's real, "us."
Adam. J. says:
yeah, but nothing else is needed
Bill Farrant says:
Other than love?
Linda, I'm confused.
Can you give our love some parting words at least?
Linda, I'm desperate! Just say anything so I know you exist!
Please, just one word, a poorly put together sentence is enough.
Seriously, hack-bot Dude, just give me a line to end this story with.
Adam. J. says:
im not a bot silly, its me
Bill Farrant says:
Thanks!
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
A Brand New Place to Live
This is a dialogue I had with a guy who made a post on craigslist trying to rent out an apartment. It sounded too good to be true. I'm not currently looking for a place to live, but a friend was, so I was helping them out. I searched his email address before I started and came across this link:
http://www.scamwarners.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=39&t=10715&start=0
Date: Wed, 4 Aug 2010 19:02:11 -0700
From: terry_n71@yahoo.com
Subject: Re: $600 / 1br - Nice place in Vic to live in - Comfortable area (Downtown)
To: xxxxxxx@hotmail.com
I'm the owner of the apartment you are making inquiry for. Short term and long term are both available. I'm currently in Wisconsin and that's why the apt is vacant for $600, the refundable damage deposit is $500, the rent includes Heat, Hydro, Water, Cable, Internet, Parking. Here is the add of the unit: 827 Fairfield Rd Victoria, BC V8W 2G9. I'm not in town presently to show you the apartment but I want you to maintain the apartment and treat it like your own if you are willing to rent it. If you're interested, the pictures and application form will be sent to you.
I await your prompt response,
Terry
From: xxxxxxx@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: $600 / 1br - Nice place in Vic to live in - Comfortable area (Downtown)
To: terry_n71@yahoo.com
Date: Thursday, August 5, 2010, 4:23 AM
Hi Terry,
I'd be interested in taking a look at the place. Is there someone that would be able to show it to me in Victoria? Are you living out of town now and subletting the apartment? Do you own the place or are you currently subletting it from someone else? Or are you renting out a room in the apartment you own? Thanks for your time!
Regards,
Katie
Date: Thu, 5 Aug 2010 00:42:47 -0700
From: terry_n71@yahoo.com
Subject: RE: $600 / 1br - Nice place in Vic to live in - Comfortable area (Downtown)
To: xxxxxxx@hotmail.com
I'm renting out a room in the apt I own.
Terry
From: xxxxxxx@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: $600 / 1br - Nice place in Vic to live in - Comfortable area (Downtown)
To: terry_n71@yahoo.com
Date: Thursday, August 5, 2010, 4:11 PM
Hi Terry,
That's good to know. So, as per my previous email, would someone in Victoria be able to show me the place?
Regards,
Katie
Date: Thu, 5 Aug 2010 09:29:07 -0700
From: terry_n71@yahoo.com
Subject: RE: $600 / 1br - Nice place in Vic to live in - Comfortable area (Downtown)
To: xxxxxxx@hotmail.com
Nope.
Terry
From: xxxxxxx@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: $600 / 1br - Nice place in Vic to live in - Comfortable area (Downtown)
To: terry_n71@yahoo.com
Date: Thursday, August 5, 2010, 4:43 PM
Hi Terry,
Okay. Well, in that case, why don't you forward me some of the photos so I can have a look.
Regards,
Katie
Date: Thu, 5 Aug 2010 10:00:30 -0700
From: terry_n71@yahoo.com
Subject: RE: $600 / 1br - Nice place in Vic to live in - Comfortable area (Downtown)
To: xxxxxxx@hotmail.com
Find them attached.
Terry
From: xxxxxxx@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: $600 / 1br - Nice place in Vic to live in - Comfortable area (Downtown)
To: terry_n71@yahoo.com
Date: Thursday, August 5, 2010, 9:44 PM
Hi Terry,
Let me assure you, I am quite interested in renting your property, even without viewing it or knowing any information about it. I'm quite prepared to send you the damage deposit and rent right away in trusting you will send me a key. The five pictures of the apartment look wonderful and I can already see myself living there. I prefer to have minimal contact with my landlord and this arrangement looks like the perfect fit. Even your email responses are short, and concise, a mere few words. That's the way I like it: you stay out of my hair, I stay out of yours. I'm looking for a long-term commitment here. You can always count on me to provide rent and any other money for suddenly needed (but not obvious) repairs. Possibly, in the future, you might even come visit me at your apartment and we could go out for a drink, maybe discuss our love of smooth jazz and American politics- you do like smooth jazz and American politics, don't you?
Trusting this situation is a benefit to all and to a long and lasting professional relationship,
Katie
Date: Thu, 5 Aug 2010 15:29:02 -0700
From: terry_n71@yahoo.com
Subject: PAYMENT INFORMATION
To: xxxxxxx@hotmail.com
I'm sure our first meet will be nice. Below is the payment information:
Name: Terry Nichols
City: Eleva
State: Wisconsin
Zipcode:54738
Amount: 500
Text Question: BEST COLOR
Answer: BLUE
So, I will like you to get back to me with the Money Gram details which include the Sender's Name, Sender's Address and the 8 digit REF#.... I await your prompt response as soon as you send it today.
Best Regards!!!
P.S - As soon as the payment is confirmed, I will proceed to DHL Office to send you the package and get back to you with the tracking number for you to know the exact time the package will be delivered to you.
Terry
From: xxxxxxx@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: PAYMENT INFORMATION
To: terry_n71@yahoo.com
Date: Thursday, August 5, 2010, 11:20 PM
Hi Terry,
That sounds good. I'll get on that right away. I'm assuming, as the ad was made for an apartment in Canada, that the $500 required would be in Canadian funds? Also, would it not be beneficial for me to send you $1100 so I don't have to do another transaction in a few weeks for the first months rent? That would be the$500 for the Deposit and $600 for the first months rent.
Regards,
Katie
Date: Thu, 5 Aug 2010 20:13:55 -0700
From: terry_n71@yahoo.com
Subject: RE: PAYMENT INFORMATION
To: xxxxxxx@hotmail.com
The funds in CAD. I want you to send the deposit first, then the first month rent later.
Looking forward to read from you.
Terry
From: xxxxxxx@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: PAYMENT INFORMATION
To: terry_n71@yahoo.com
Date: Friday, August 6, 2010, 7:07 PM
Hi Terry,
I've been stuck at work all day and haven't been able to get away. I've found a local Money Gram place, so I'll be able to get to it when I'm off work at 4:30.
Thanks again!
Katie
Date: Fri, 6 Aug 2010 16:20:44 -0700
From: terry_n71@yahoo.com
Subject: RE: PAYMENT INFORMATION
To: xxxxxxx@hotmail.com
Okay.
Terry
From: xxxxxxx@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: PAYMENT INFORMATION
To: terry_n71@yahoo.com
Date: Saturday, August 7, 2010, 12:46 AM
Hi Terry,
I've done the Money Gram wire of the $500 and here is the information:
Sender's Name: Katie Giese
Sender's Address: 1531 Kersey Rd, Brentwood Bay, BC, Canada, V8M 1J5
Ref#: 26731326
Hope it worked! Can't wait for the new place!
Thanks again, Terry!
Katie
Date: Fri, 6 Aug 2010 19:52:20 -0700
From: terry_n71@yahoo.com
Subject: RE: PAYMENT INFORMATION
To: xxxxxxx@hotmail.com
I'm having a Doctor appointment tonight. I will get this done tomorrow and get back to you. Sorry for the inconveniences.
Terry
From: xxxxxxx@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: PAYMENT INFORMATION
To: terry_n71@yahoo.com
Date: Saturday, August 7, 2010, 9:01 PM
Hi Terry,
I haven't heard back from you, so I'm just checking to make sure everything went okay.
I hope the Doctor's appointment went well!
Regards,
Katie
Date: Sat, 7 Aug 2010 14:41:09 -0700
From: terry_n71@yahoo.com
Subject: RE: PAYMENT INFORMATION
To: xxxxxxx@hotmail.com
Yeah, Katie, the appointment went well and thanks for the concern. I will send you the package on Monday with 24hrs delivery.
Sorry for the delay and enjoy the rest of the day.
Terry
From: xxxxxxx@hotmail.com
To: terry_n71@yahoo.com
Subject: RE: PAYMENT INFORMATION
Date: Sat,7 Aug 2010 18:04:33 -0700
Hi Terry,
I apologize for the delay in responding too. I have to use my little brother's email at the moment cause the one I use for college only works during the school year. I know, I know, you're going to say, "What kinda young person doesn't have eight or nine email accounts, and an iPhone, a Blackberry, and a twitter?" But I guess I'm one of the odd ones. I'm a little ignorant of technology, probably why I'm studying to be a florist.
Anyway, this is my first time with my own place- I've saved up all summer. So, I'm a little nervous to find out whether the Money Gram transfer went through. Knowing me, I probably screwed it up. Ha! Can you let me know if you got the $500?
Hope your day has been rosy (that's the florist in me, tee hee)
Best,
Katie
Date: Sun, 8 Aug 2010 10:06:34 -0700
From: terry_n71@yahoo.com
Subject: RE: PAYMENT INFORMATION
To: xxxxxxx@hotmail.com
Sorry for responding late. I've been busy with church activity. I intend going to the nearest outlet this evening to confirm the $500.
Stop being nervous, Katie! Ok?
From: xxxxxxx@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: PAYMENT INFORMATION
To: terry_n71@yahoo.com
Date: Sunday, August 8, 2010, 11:37 PM
Thanks, Terry!
I too had church today. I help out with a Sunday school at my local. Today I taught some kids how to make a lamb out of an old wool sock. It was hilarious! And a lot of fun.
Talk soon!
Katie
Date: Mon, 9 Aug 2010 09:53:59 -0700
From: terry_n71@yahoo.com
Subject: RE: PAYMENT INFORMATION
To: xxxxxxx@hotmail.com
Hey Katie,
The lady at the money gram outlet told me the REF# is invalid. Can you check and get back to me asap?
Terry
From: xxxxxxx@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: PAYMENT INFORMATION
To: terry_n71@yahoo.com
Date: Tuesday, August 10, 2010, 1:46 AM
Hi Terry,
Ack!!! I just knew I'd screw this up. I'm sooo sorry!!! I checked the ref# that I sent you and I accidentally switched up a few numbers. It should read: 26713326.
Hope this works,
Katie
Date: Tue, 10 Aug 2010 11:55:47 -0700
From: terry_n71@yahoo.com
Subject: RE: PAYMENT INFORMATION
To: xxxxxxx@hotmail.com
Send me a copy of the money gram receipt.
Terry
From: xxxxxxx@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: PAYMENT INFORMATION
To: terry_n71@yahoo.com
Date: Wednesday, August 11, 2010, 12:19 AM
Hi Terry,
What!!!? I don't understand what is going on here. I thought I did everything correctly. I do have the receipt, so once I figure out how to send you a copy, I will right away. So sorry about this!!!
Regards,
Katie
Date: Wed, 11 Aug 2010 09:34:58 -0700
From: terry_n71@yahoo.com
Subject: RE: PAYMENT INFORMATION
To: xxxxxxx@hotmail.com
Scan it or find a way to snap and upload it.
Terry
From: xxxxxxx@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: PAYMENT INFORMATION
To: terry_n71@yahoo.com
Date: Wednesday, August 11, 2010, 10:23 PM
Hi Terry,
Please find attached the copy of the receipt. It took awhile as I had to get my friend Tom to scan it for me.
Regards,
Katie
Date: Wed, 11 Aug 2010 15:30:50 -0700
From: terry_n71@yahoo.com
Subject: RE: PAYMENT INFORMATION
To:xxxxxxx@hotmail.com
Hmmm. Is that you?
Terry
From: xxxxxxx@hotmail.com
To: terry_n71@yahoo.com
Subject: RE: PAYMENT INFORMATION
Date: Wed,11 Aug 2010 15:45:26 -0700
Hi Terry,
No, that is not me. It is a picture of an anus, more commonly referred to as an asshole. I attempted to attach a mirror. But that proved too difficult. So, I figured the attached picture would get the point across.
A simple Google search of your email address produces a link to a scam alert website. This was searched before the initial email to you. I'm powerless to stop you from you ripping off innocent people. So, at the very least, I wasted your time. Small victory? Sure, maybe. Maybe you knew all along. I don't care. But what I have now is a nice dialogue with a scam artist that I can publish.
My favourite part of our correspondence was when you mentioned you were "busy with Church activity." That's the oldest trick in the book, the "this guy's honest cause he's a holy man" approach.
Here is a quote from Marcel Proust (some say he's a Yenta). I don't know why I chose a quote from him. I don't even know if it makes sense in regards to the context of this situation. You probably don't even know who Marcel Proust is. But, whatever:
Your soul is a dark forest. But the trees are of a particular species, they are genealogical trees.
Best of luck in your future endeavors,
Katie
http://www.scamwarners.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=39&t=10715&start=0
Date: Wed, 4 Aug 2010 19:02:11 -0700
From: terry_n71@yahoo.com
Subject: Re: $600 / 1br - Nice place in Vic to live in - Comfortable area (Downtown)
To: xxxxxxx@hotmail.com
I'm the owner of the apartment you are making inquiry for. Short term and long term are both available. I'm currently in Wisconsin and that's why the apt is vacant for $600, the refundable damage deposit is $500, the rent includes Heat, Hydro, Water, Cable, Internet, Parking. Here is the add of the unit: 827 Fairfield Rd Victoria, BC V8W 2G9. I'm not in town presently to show you the apartment but I want you to maintain the apartment and treat it like your own if you are willing to rent it. If you're interested, the pictures and application form will be sent to you.
I await your prompt response,
Terry
From: xxxxxxx@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: $600 / 1br - Nice place in Vic to live in - Comfortable area (Downtown)
To: terry_n71@yahoo.com
Date: Thursday, August 5, 2010, 4:23 AM
Hi Terry,
I'd be interested in taking a look at the place. Is there someone that would be able to show it to me in Victoria? Are you living out of town now and subletting the apartment? Do you own the place or are you currently subletting it from someone else? Or are you renting out a room in the apartment you own? Thanks for your time!
Regards,
Katie
Date: Thu, 5 Aug 2010 00:42:47 -0700
From: terry_n71@yahoo.com
Subject: RE: $600 / 1br - Nice place in Vic to live in - Comfortable area (Downtown)
To: xxxxxxx@hotmail.com
I'm renting out a room in the apt I own.
Terry
From: xxxxxxx@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: $600 / 1br - Nice place in Vic to live in - Comfortable area (Downtown)
To: terry_n71@yahoo.com
Date: Thursday, August 5, 2010, 4:11 PM
Hi Terry,
That's good to know. So, as per my previous email, would someone in Victoria be able to show me the place?
Regards,
Katie
Date: Thu, 5 Aug 2010 09:29:07 -0700
From: terry_n71@yahoo.com
Subject: RE: $600 / 1br - Nice place in Vic to live in - Comfortable area (Downtown)
To: xxxxxxx@hotmail.com
Nope.
Terry
From: xxxxxxx@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: $600 / 1br - Nice place in Vic to live in - Comfortable area (Downtown)
To: terry_n71@yahoo.com
Date: Thursday, August 5, 2010, 4:43 PM
Hi Terry,
Okay. Well, in that case, why don't you forward me some of the photos so I can have a look.
Regards,
Katie
Date: Thu, 5 Aug 2010 10:00:30 -0700
From: terry_n71@yahoo.com
Subject: RE: $600 / 1br - Nice place in Vic to live in - Comfortable area (Downtown)
To: xxxxxxx@hotmail.com
Find them attached.
Terry
From: xxxxxxx@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: $600 / 1br - Nice place in Vic to live in - Comfortable area (Downtown)
To: terry_n71@yahoo.com
Date: Thursday, August 5, 2010, 9:44 PM
Hi Terry,
Let me assure you, I am quite interested in renting your property, even without viewing it or knowing any information about it. I'm quite prepared to send you the damage deposit and rent right away in trusting you will send me a key. The five pictures of the apartment look wonderful and I can already see myself living there. I prefer to have minimal contact with my landlord and this arrangement looks like the perfect fit. Even your email responses are short, and concise, a mere few words. That's the way I like it: you stay out of my hair, I stay out of yours. I'm looking for a long-term commitment here. You can always count on me to provide rent and any other money for suddenly needed (but not obvious) repairs. Possibly, in the future, you might even come visit me at your apartment and we could go out for a drink, maybe discuss our love of smooth jazz and American politics- you do like smooth jazz and American politics, don't you?
Trusting this situation is a benefit to all and to a long and lasting professional relationship,
Katie
Date: Thu, 5 Aug 2010 15:29:02 -0700
From: terry_n71@yahoo.com
Subject: PAYMENT INFORMATION
To: xxxxxxx@hotmail.com
I'm sure our first meet will be nice. Below is the payment information:
Name: Terry Nichols
City: Eleva
State: Wisconsin
Zipcode:54738
Amount: 500
Text Question: BEST COLOR
Answer: BLUE
So, I will like you to get back to me with the Money Gram details which include the Sender's Name, Sender's Address and the 8 digit REF#.... I await your prompt response as soon as you send it today.
Best Regards!!!
P.S - As soon as the payment is confirmed, I will proceed to DHL Office to send you the package and get back to you with the tracking number for you to know the exact time the package will be delivered to you.
Terry
From: xxxxxxx@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: PAYMENT INFORMATION
To: terry_n71@yahoo.com
Date: Thursday, August 5, 2010, 11:20 PM
Hi Terry,
That sounds good. I'll get on that right away. I'm assuming, as the ad was made for an apartment in Canada, that the $500 required would be in Canadian funds? Also, would it not be beneficial for me to send you $1100 so I don't have to do another transaction in a few weeks for the first months rent? That would be the$500 for the Deposit and $600 for the first months rent.
Regards,
Katie
Date: Thu, 5 Aug 2010 20:13:55 -0700
From: terry_n71@yahoo.com
Subject: RE: PAYMENT INFORMATION
To: xxxxxxx@hotmail.com
The funds in CAD. I want you to send the deposit first, then the first month rent later.
Looking forward to read from you.
Terry
From: xxxxxxx@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: PAYMENT INFORMATION
To: terry_n71@yahoo.com
Date: Friday, August 6, 2010, 7:07 PM
Hi Terry,
I've been stuck at work all day and haven't been able to get away. I've found a local Money Gram place, so I'll be able to get to it when I'm off work at 4:30.
Thanks again!
Katie
Date: Fri, 6 Aug 2010 16:20:44 -0700
From: terry_n71@yahoo.com
Subject: RE: PAYMENT INFORMATION
To: xxxxxxx@hotmail.com
Okay.
Terry
From: xxxxxxx@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: PAYMENT INFORMATION
To: terry_n71@yahoo.com
Date: Saturday, August 7, 2010, 12:46 AM
Hi Terry,
I've done the Money Gram wire of the $500 and here is the information:
Sender's Name: Katie Giese
Sender's Address: 1531 Kersey Rd, Brentwood Bay, BC, Canada, V8M 1J5
Ref#: 26731326
Hope it worked! Can't wait for the new place!
Thanks again, Terry!
Katie
Date: Fri, 6 Aug 2010 19:52:20 -0700
From: terry_n71@yahoo.com
Subject: RE: PAYMENT INFORMATION
To: xxxxxxx@hotmail.com
I'm having a Doctor appointment tonight. I will get this done tomorrow and get back to you. Sorry for the inconveniences.
Terry
From: xxxxxxx@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: PAYMENT INFORMATION
To: terry_n71@yahoo.com
Date: Saturday, August 7, 2010, 9:01 PM
Hi Terry,
I haven't heard back from you, so I'm just checking to make sure everything went okay.
I hope the Doctor's appointment went well!
Regards,
Katie
Date: Sat, 7 Aug 2010 14:41:09 -0700
From: terry_n71@yahoo.com
Subject: RE: PAYMENT INFORMATION
To: xxxxxxx@hotmail.com
Yeah, Katie, the appointment went well and thanks for the concern. I will send you the package on Monday with 24hrs delivery.
Sorry for the delay and enjoy the rest of the day.
Terry
From: xxxxxxx@hotmail.com
To: terry_n71@yahoo.com
Subject: RE: PAYMENT INFORMATION
Date: Sat,7 Aug 2010 18:04:33 -0700
Hi Terry,
I apologize for the delay in responding too. I have to use my little brother's email at the moment cause the one I use for college only works during the school year. I know, I know, you're going to say, "What kinda young person doesn't have eight or nine email accounts, and an iPhone, a Blackberry, and a twitter?" But I guess I'm one of the odd ones. I'm a little ignorant of technology, probably why I'm studying to be a florist.
Anyway, this is my first time with my own place- I've saved up all summer. So, I'm a little nervous to find out whether the Money Gram transfer went through. Knowing me, I probably screwed it up. Ha! Can you let me know if you got the $500?
Hope your day has been rosy (that's the florist in me, tee hee)
Best,
Katie
Date: Sun, 8 Aug 2010 10:06:34 -0700
From: terry_n71@yahoo.com
Subject: RE: PAYMENT INFORMATION
To: xxxxxxx@hotmail.com
Sorry for responding late. I've been busy with church activity. I intend going to the nearest outlet this evening to confirm the $500.
Stop being nervous, Katie! Ok?
From: xxxxxxx@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: PAYMENT INFORMATION
To: terry_n71@yahoo.com
Date: Sunday, August 8, 2010, 11:37 PM
Thanks, Terry!
I too had church today. I help out with a Sunday school at my local. Today I taught some kids how to make a lamb out of an old wool sock. It was hilarious! And a lot of fun.
Talk soon!
Katie
Date: Mon, 9 Aug 2010 09:53:59 -0700
From: terry_n71@yahoo.com
Subject: RE: PAYMENT INFORMATION
To: xxxxxxx@hotmail.com
Hey Katie,
The lady at the money gram outlet told me the REF# is invalid. Can you check and get back to me asap?
Terry
From: xxxxxxx@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: PAYMENT INFORMATION
To: terry_n71@yahoo.com
Date: Tuesday, August 10, 2010, 1:46 AM
Hi Terry,
Ack!!! I just knew I'd screw this up. I'm sooo sorry!!! I checked the ref# that I sent you and I accidentally switched up a few numbers. It should read: 26713326.
Hope this works,
Katie
Date: Tue, 10 Aug 2010 11:55:47 -0700
From: terry_n71@yahoo.com
Subject: RE: PAYMENT INFORMATION
To: xxxxxxx@hotmail.com
Send me a copy of the money gram receipt.
Terry
From: xxxxxxx@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: PAYMENT INFORMATION
To: terry_n71@yahoo.com
Date: Wednesday, August 11, 2010, 12:19 AM
Hi Terry,
What!!!? I don't understand what is going on here. I thought I did everything correctly. I do have the receipt, so once I figure out how to send you a copy, I will right away. So sorry about this!!!
Regards,
Katie
Date: Wed, 11 Aug 2010 09:34:58 -0700
From: terry_n71@yahoo.com
Subject: RE: PAYMENT INFORMATION
To: xxxxxxx@hotmail.com
Scan it or find a way to snap and upload it.
Terry
From: xxxxxxx@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: PAYMENT INFORMATION
To: terry_n71@yahoo.com
Date: Wednesday, August 11, 2010, 10:23 PM
Hi Terry,
Please find attached the copy of the receipt. It took awhile as I had to get my friend Tom to scan it for me.
Regards,
Katie
Date: Wed, 11 Aug 2010 15:30:50 -0700
From: terry_n71@yahoo.com
Subject: RE: PAYMENT INFORMATION
To:xxxxxxx@hotmail.com
Hmmm. Is that you?
Terry
From: xxxxxxx@hotmail.com
To: terry_n71@yahoo.com
Subject: RE: PAYMENT INFORMATION
Date: Wed,11 Aug 2010 15:45:26 -0700
Hi Terry,
No, that is not me. It is a picture of an anus, more commonly referred to as an asshole. I attempted to attach a mirror. But that proved too difficult. So, I figured the attached picture would get the point across.
A simple Google search of your email address produces a link to a scam alert website. This was searched before the initial email to you. I'm powerless to stop you from you ripping off innocent people. So, at the very least, I wasted your time. Small victory? Sure, maybe. Maybe you knew all along. I don't care. But what I have now is a nice dialogue with a scam artist that I can publish.
My favourite part of our correspondence was when you mentioned you were "busy with Church activity." That's the oldest trick in the book, the "this guy's honest cause he's a holy man" approach.
Here is a quote from Marcel Proust (some say he's a Yenta). I don't know why I chose a quote from him. I don't even know if it makes sense in regards to the context of this situation. You probably don't even know who Marcel Proust is. But, whatever:
Your soul is a dark forest. But the trees are of a particular species, they are genealogical trees.
Best of luck in your future endeavors,
Katie
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Dinner on July 23, 2010
I opened the freezer and examined the contents: French fries, pergoies, half a beer, yoghurt with chopsticks in it (my roommate likes yoghurtsicles), the frozen peas I use to ice soccer injuries, two nearly empty containers of strawberries left by a previous tenant, a box of chicken nuggets (seven in total), a sirloin steak with an expire date from last year, a chicken thigh wrapped in a Pharmasave bag, ice cubes, and a package of what appeared to be hamburger patties. None of these items were mine- though, I could make a case for the ice cubes.
I grabbed the package of what appeared to be hamburger patties. It was surrounded by ice. I opened the package and started chiseling away with a butter knife. I felt my schooling in Archaeology was being applied well. Turns out they were hamburger patties, three in total. I smashed up a few ice cubes to pack around the remaining two patties. This replaced the ice that melted during the process of exhuming protein for dinner.
I put some butter in a frying pan. The butter was mine. The frying pan was not. I defrosted the patty for ten minutes, nearly cooking it completely. I think it lost half its weight.
I pulled out two pieces of the rye bread my mother bought me the other day from Bond Bond’s. This is good bread and currently my most prized food possession. It’s actually my only food possession.
I put the bread in the toaster.
I started frying the patty on low heat.
I grabbed my roommate’s mozzarella cheese and hacked off two thin slices. I noticed when I opened the package he’d last used the cheese on a grater. My clean knife marks left evidence of unauthorized cheese borrowing. So, I got the grater and grated some cheese. Then I ate the grated cheese. When I removed the cheese from the fridge, I made a mental note on how the saran wrap had been folded and the position of the cheese on the shelf. This assured that when I put the cheese back in the fridge it appeared untouched.
I grabbed the jug of fruit punch from the fridge and poured about fifty milliliters into a glass. I added water to the glass. This created purple flavoured water. I added about fifty milliliters of water to the jug of fruit punch to cover my tracks in case my roommate had made an invisible “remaining juice indicator line.”
I spread Miracle Whip on the toast. The Miracle Whip was mine. I’ve been sold on this product every since those commercials during the hockey playoffs that insinuated the using of Miracle Whip would lead to eventful and raucous parties where beautiful people wear shorts and barbeque on the rooftops of old brick buildings.
I covered the toast in ketchup. Ketchup is one of those items that someone buys and it gets used. I don’t feel guilty for borrowing some. It’s kind of like toilet paper and dish soap that way.
I placed the patty on the toast, topping it with the slices of mozzarella cheese. The patty didn’t cover much of the toast.
I sat down and ate the toast around the edges of the patty. If I’m going to eat toast with Miracle Whip and ketchup on it, I’m going to eat it as an appetizer, not as the last bites of a mediocre meal. What was left was something that looked like an Oreo cookie that had gone all wrong.
The improvised sandwich actually wasn’t too bad.
I washed the cheese grater, juice glass, knife, and pan. I removed the stray bits of grated mozzarella cheese from the counter and washed them down the sink- putting them in the garbage might have raised suspicion later on.
On Monday, when I get paid, I’ll buy my roommate a six-pack of beer. He’ll think I did it for no reason, that I’m a really nice guy. And I am. But this is my way of paying him back for eating his food without asking and elaborately covering it up so he wouldn’t notice. I call this an act of Passive Aggressive Reciprocity.
I grabbed the package of what appeared to be hamburger patties. It was surrounded by ice. I opened the package and started chiseling away with a butter knife. I felt my schooling in Archaeology was being applied well. Turns out they were hamburger patties, three in total. I smashed up a few ice cubes to pack around the remaining two patties. This replaced the ice that melted during the process of exhuming protein for dinner.
I put some butter in a frying pan. The butter was mine. The frying pan was not. I defrosted the patty for ten minutes, nearly cooking it completely. I think it lost half its weight.
I pulled out two pieces of the rye bread my mother bought me the other day from Bond Bond’s. This is good bread and currently my most prized food possession. It’s actually my only food possession.
I put the bread in the toaster.
I started frying the patty on low heat.
I grabbed my roommate’s mozzarella cheese and hacked off two thin slices. I noticed when I opened the package he’d last used the cheese on a grater. My clean knife marks left evidence of unauthorized cheese borrowing. So, I got the grater and grated some cheese. Then I ate the grated cheese. When I removed the cheese from the fridge, I made a mental note on how the saran wrap had been folded and the position of the cheese on the shelf. This assured that when I put the cheese back in the fridge it appeared untouched.
I grabbed the jug of fruit punch from the fridge and poured about fifty milliliters into a glass. I added water to the glass. This created purple flavoured water. I added about fifty milliliters of water to the jug of fruit punch to cover my tracks in case my roommate had made an invisible “remaining juice indicator line.”
I spread Miracle Whip on the toast. The Miracle Whip was mine. I’ve been sold on this product every since those commercials during the hockey playoffs that insinuated the using of Miracle Whip would lead to eventful and raucous parties where beautiful people wear shorts and barbeque on the rooftops of old brick buildings.
I covered the toast in ketchup. Ketchup is one of those items that someone buys and it gets used. I don’t feel guilty for borrowing some. It’s kind of like toilet paper and dish soap that way.
I placed the patty on the toast, topping it with the slices of mozzarella cheese. The patty didn’t cover much of the toast.
I sat down and ate the toast around the edges of the patty. If I’m going to eat toast with Miracle Whip and ketchup on it, I’m going to eat it as an appetizer, not as the last bites of a mediocre meal. What was left was something that looked like an Oreo cookie that had gone all wrong.
The improvised sandwich actually wasn’t too bad.
I washed the cheese grater, juice glass, knife, and pan. I removed the stray bits of grated mozzarella cheese from the counter and washed them down the sink- putting them in the garbage might have raised suspicion later on.
On Monday, when I get paid, I’ll buy my roommate a six-pack of beer. He’ll think I did it for no reason, that I’m a really nice guy. And I am. But this is my way of paying him back for eating his food without asking and elaborately covering it up so he wouldn’t notice. I call this an act of Passive Aggressive Reciprocity.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Youtube Channel
This is unrelated to writing but I don't care. This is my blog thingy and I can do whatever I want.
My Interpretive dance partner (La Kat) and I have started a Youtube channel. We have been performing mind blowing dance creations to the wonderful sounds of eighties/nineties sitcom theme songs. Our elaborate budgets and cutting edge choreography should not be missed. The first one is up now, the Facts of Life. And to come shortly are our interpretations of Saved by the Bell and Jem and the Holograms.
We appreciate your support and urge you to follow us as our careers as internet sensations blossom.
http://www.youtube.com/user/BroomheadProductions
My Interpretive dance partner (La Kat) and I have started a Youtube channel. We have been performing mind blowing dance creations to the wonderful sounds of eighties/nineties sitcom theme songs. Our elaborate budgets and cutting edge choreography should not be missed. The first one is up now, the Facts of Life. And to come shortly are our interpretations of Saved by the Bell and Jem and the Holograms.
We appreciate your support and urge you to follow us as our careers as internet sensations blossom.
http://www.youtube.com/user/BroomheadProductions
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
The Cure
“Yeah, that’s right, two dozen, please,” I say. “I’m at the community pool. How long do think it’ll be?”
I stand out front and wait. It’s raining slightly.
A teenager arrives in a car. He gets out, meets me on the curb. “That’ll be $14.35 with tax,” he says. I give him fifteen.
“Keep the change,” I say.
I’m a pretty generous guy.
I take my hot wings into the change-room. I take off my clothes and place the hot wings on a bench. I put on my trunks and walk to the shower. You’re supposed to have a rinse before you go in. So I have one. I hold the hot wings above my head so they won’t get wet.
I head out to the pool. There’s loud music playing, something from the fifties. Old people sit quietly in the hot tub. Children scream from all directions. I walk past a pile of life jackets and beach balls. I see a guy shoot out from the water slide. He makes a large splash. Then he swims over to the other side of the pool and starts doing lengths, front crawl.
I enter the sauna and sit near the back. I start eating my hot wings. They’re really good.
A woman is in here. She pours water on the rocks. She looks at me wide-eyed, mouth open. She doesn’t say anything. She’s about forty-five.
I have sauce all over my face. I’m starting to heat up. Moisture is coming out of every pore in my body. I’m losing weight right before my eyes. I can’t feel my tongue. Breathing is difficult.
I try to engage the woman in conversation.
The woman leaves.
I think I’m approaching cardiac arrest.
I have five hot wings left. I haven’t even used the blue cheese dip yet.
A young couple enters. The guy whispers to the girl, “Well, looks like we have an Upper Paleolithic Cro-Magnon here.” The girl says, “That man is fucking gross, Jerry.” The couple leaves immediately.
I realize that I can’t see anymore.
My knees are shaking. I have one hot wing to go. It’s a drumstick. My favourite.
I finish the last hot wing. With the box full of bones in my hand I crawl towards the door. I can’t open it. A lifeguard arrives and helps me up. I can tell it’s a male lifeguard because of his grip. I would have preferred a female one. But you can’t always get your way.
The lifeguard puts the box of bones in a trashcan and escorts me to the change-rooms. I hear a parent say to a child, “Daddy’s here, Honey. You don’t have to look.”
The lifeguard says to me, “I’d better not see you here again, asshole.”
I take a long, cold shower. It’s great.
Then, my eyesight returns.
I towel off and put my clothes back on.
I leave the pool.
I feel much better now, thank you.
I stand out front and wait. It’s raining slightly.
A teenager arrives in a car. He gets out, meets me on the curb. “That’ll be $14.35 with tax,” he says. I give him fifteen.
“Keep the change,” I say.
I’m a pretty generous guy.
I take my hot wings into the change-room. I take off my clothes and place the hot wings on a bench. I put on my trunks and walk to the shower. You’re supposed to have a rinse before you go in. So I have one. I hold the hot wings above my head so they won’t get wet.
I head out to the pool. There’s loud music playing, something from the fifties. Old people sit quietly in the hot tub. Children scream from all directions. I walk past a pile of life jackets and beach balls. I see a guy shoot out from the water slide. He makes a large splash. Then he swims over to the other side of the pool and starts doing lengths, front crawl.
I enter the sauna and sit near the back. I start eating my hot wings. They’re really good.
A woman is in here. She pours water on the rocks. She looks at me wide-eyed, mouth open. She doesn’t say anything. She’s about forty-five.
I have sauce all over my face. I’m starting to heat up. Moisture is coming out of every pore in my body. I’m losing weight right before my eyes. I can’t feel my tongue. Breathing is difficult.
I try to engage the woman in conversation.
The woman leaves.
I think I’m approaching cardiac arrest.
I have five hot wings left. I haven’t even used the blue cheese dip yet.
A young couple enters. The guy whispers to the girl, “Well, looks like we have an Upper Paleolithic Cro-Magnon here.” The girl says, “That man is fucking gross, Jerry.” The couple leaves immediately.
I realize that I can’t see anymore.
My knees are shaking. I have one hot wing to go. It’s a drumstick. My favourite.
I finish the last hot wing. With the box full of bones in my hand I crawl towards the door. I can’t open it. A lifeguard arrives and helps me up. I can tell it’s a male lifeguard because of his grip. I would have preferred a female one. But you can’t always get your way.
The lifeguard puts the box of bones in a trashcan and escorts me to the change-rooms. I hear a parent say to a child, “Daddy’s here, Honey. You don’t have to look.”
The lifeguard says to me, “I’d better not see you here again, asshole.”
I take a long, cold shower. It’s great.
Then, my eyesight returns.
I towel off and put my clothes back on.
I leave the pool.
I feel much better now, thank you.
The Smoking Section
The Smoking Section
The ship is sinking but we don’t care. We are the smoking section. We are better than disasters.
There are twelve of us. We are a diverse bunch, standing in groups of three. And then there is Stan, the chief steward. He’s in the middle. There are no women.
We are on the top deck, port side, near the bow.
Alarms are sounding. The non-smokers are running. They are in disarray, lost. The ship is listing but not enough for concern- our concern, that is.
We continue smoking. We lean back against the white walls. We converse. “Might rain tonight,” we say. “Where you heading?” That sort of thing.
We hear a significant crash. A lifeboat has fallen. A man hangs on, screaming. We look half-heartedly and ash our cigarettes.
We are veterans, ready under pressure. Though, we feel none. When the time comes we’ll know what to do. We decide to have another cigarette. I light my Lucky Strike. I help John light his. He says, “Thank you.”
An announcement gives orders. It’s a little too panicked for us. It hurts our ears. People are in the water now. Most are poor swimmers. A fire breaks out on a lower deck. It’s electrical we decide.
Stan looks at his watch, pushes his long hair over his shoulder. He takes a deep breath. He looks bothered. And so he should. The sinking ship is ruining our day.
Without saying a word we follow Stan to the nearest lifeboat. He releases the lines. We help ease the lifeboat down. Then we get in one by one. There is no pushing, no shoving. It’s orderly. We are considerate of each other. Stan gets in last and lowers us the rest of the way.
We hit the water and function like an organism: six per side, stroke for stroke. Stan sits at the head, like a coxswain, except he has no need to yell.
The ship is partially submerged. Non-smokers keep hurling themselves over the railings. The fire has spread. The ship’s funnel has fallen into the water. It’s not looking good.
We row. Our blue plumes of exhaust are evidence of our efforts.
We approach an island and bring the lifeboat ashore. We pull it onto to the beach like we are pallbearers. We are solemn. But that’s because we are inconvenienced.
We sit on a grass covered point and light cigarettes. We sit twelve abreast, Stan behind us, like a father.
“It’s a real shame, bout the ship and all,” Thomas says. “She was a real thing of beauty.” We nod because we agree.
The ship is pretty much under by now. There’s a lot of debris floating on the surface. There are no signs of struggle. It’s gotten real quiet over there. We’re certain no one has survived but us.
Philip says, “The disaster was rather biblical don’t you think?”
James says, “Yeah, it was beyond belief.”
The ship is completely gone. It’s silent, save for the seagulls that hover above the wreckage. The sun burns through the clouds.
Stan opens a fresh package of cigarettes, passes some out. We get up to leave. We walk towards the mountain single file, smokes in hand. Stan will know what to do next.
The ship is sinking but we don’t care. We are the smoking section. We are better than disasters.
There are twelve of us. We are a diverse bunch, standing in groups of three. And then there is Stan, the chief steward. He’s in the middle. There are no women.
We are on the top deck, port side, near the bow.
Alarms are sounding. The non-smokers are running. They are in disarray, lost. The ship is listing but not enough for concern- our concern, that is.
We continue smoking. We lean back against the white walls. We converse. “Might rain tonight,” we say. “Where you heading?” That sort of thing.
We hear a significant crash. A lifeboat has fallen. A man hangs on, screaming. We look half-heartedly and ash our cigarettes.
We are veterans, ready under pressure. Though, we feel none. When the time comes we’ll know what to do. We decide to have another cigarette. I light my Lucky Strike. I help John light his. He says, “Thank you.”
An announcement gives orders. It’s a little too panicked for us. It hurts our ears. People are in the water now. Most are poor swimmers. A fire breaks out on a lower deck. It’s electrical we decide.
Stan looks at his watch, pushes his long hair over his shoulder. He takes a deep breath. He looks bothered. And so he should. The sinking ship is ruining our day.
Without saying a word we follow Stan to the nearest lifeboat. He releases the lines. We help ease the lifeboat down. Then we get in one by one. There is no pushing, no shoving. It’s orderly. We are considerate of each other. Stan gets in last and lowers us the rest of the way.
We hit the water and function like an organism: six per side, stroke for stroke. Stan sits at the head, like a coxswain, except he has no need to yell.
The ship is partially submerged. Non-smokers keep hurling themselves over the railings. The fire has spread. The ship’s funnel has fallen into the water. It’s not looking good.
We row. Our blue plumes of exhaust are evidence of our efforts.
We approach an island and bring the lifeboat ashore. We pull it onto to the beach like we are pallbearers. We are solemn. But that’s because we are inconvenienced.
We sit on a grass covered point and light cigarettes. We sit twelve abreast, Stan behind us, like a father.
“It’s a real shame, bout the ship and all,” Thomas says. “She was a real thing of beauty.” We nod because we agree.
The ship is pretty much under by now. There’s a lot of debris floating on the surface. There are no signs of struggle. It’s gotten real quiet over there. We’re certain no one has survived but us.
Philip says, “The disaster was rather biblical don’t you think?”
James says, “Yeah, it was beyond belief.”
The ship is completely gone. It’s silent, save for the seagulls that hover above the wreckage. The sun burns through the clouds.
Stan opens a fresh package of cigarettes, passes some out. We get up to leave. We walk towards the mountain single file, smokes in hand. Stan will know what to do next.
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